TAPP Blog

We asked working mother, Ariane to tell us about the arrangement she has made with her company to work part-time and how it has impacted her life.

A while back, I was at a play date with several other local moms. Between gulps of coffee, breaking up squabbles and trips to the potty, one mom casually remarked something or other about her engineering degree from Columbia University. I looked at her in surprise. I only knew her as my mom friend who made awesome baked goods and was a fellow 'foodie'. I'd never had the occasion to ask her what her major was. This led to a discussion with the other moms about what they went to school for. I said we should write down our past jobs and education on slips of paper and guess who belonged to each one. Suddenly we saw a whole new dimension in each other as the professionals we used to be.

This led me to ponder how we, as mothers and women, have had to reinvent our identities, sometimes several times since having children. Certainly there are lots of men who are the primary caregivers after their children are born, but from what I see, the vast majority are still women. My friend with the engineering degree was, at that time, doing home parties for a line of cosmetics and personal care products. Another friend with a sociology degree was cleaning houses. A lot of moms I know stopped working completely and a couple started taking classes to change their career path altogether.

It is said that there are only two sure things in life- death and taxes. While not certain, it is a safe bet that you will be a caregiver of a loved one someday too. According to a recent report by the AARP Public Policy Institute, approximately, one in four U.S. adults currently care for an elderly relative or spouse with chronic conditions. My experience comes from caring for my late father (along with my sister). Not long into the journey, I was laid off. I was fortunate that I didn't have the worry of juggling a work schedule along with being a caregiver.  Looking back, I'm curious how I would have continued to handle the very real juggle if I were working at the job I was laid off from. How do people handle the daily emotional stresses that come along with the privilege of caring for a loved one, (though it doesn't always feel like a privilege) in addition to the responsibilities of a job? If I had the answer to this question I would be shouting it from the roof tops.

I do know two things you'll need as a caregiver: flexibility and compassion. Just as you'll need flexibility in handling crisis situations that may arise while care giving, it is absolutely essential at work. What that flexibility means is up to you. Whether it is working part-time, working off hours or from home- that flexibility can be the safety net for your sanity. The second thing you will need is compassion. I know you'll have it for your loved one, I hope you'll have it from your friends, but whatever you do - don't forget about compassion for yourself! Forgive yourself for feeling frustrated after a long or difficult day.  Honor yourself and your hard work by doing something nice for yourself, after all - care giving is tough work.